Improving Composure

You’ve seen the Samurai movies. The tranquil yet focused swordsman in the heart of battle waiting..waiting..waiting..then…swishhh, he strikes. You may have read or seen or heard about the idea that a Samurai only needs to take one blow. The idea that perfection can be distilled into one complete movement.

Well, apart from involving a rigorous regime of training and discipline, it also highlights the concept of Composure. So what is composure:

Here’s a definition:

composure [kəmˈpəʊʒə]
n
calmness, esp of the mind; tranquility; serenity

The Samurai can ill-afford to waste his time and energy getting frustrated over little things. It might be that he has hit a sticking point in the practice or he’s on the plateau (If you learned any art, discipline or sport, especially rock climbing, you’ll know about the plateau!). But whatever it is, having composure is an asset.

Now, how many people, especially guys, work on composure? I’m from Northern Ireland. We have a very vocal and expressive society, and sometimes composure is not what immediately springs to mind when thinking about Northern Ireland people debating. Yet it provides a great backdrop to work on the idea of composure.

I mean, are you always going to be the guy who gets flustered over little things, holds grudges over days, is convinced you are morally right? I know I have done that at least some time in my life. And sometimes it isn’t as obvious as that. It could be you are annoyed at your manager who never listens and seems to have you doing more for the customer but getting paid the same. And this goes on and on and on in the project. You never seem to be listened to.

Ultimately no having composure is self defeating. You are labeled the Angry One. Now, I admit sometimes there are cultural differences about how people consider authority and express themselves accordingly and this is documented (You can look up the stories about Korean Airline pilots).

Or maybe, being more specific: you are the guy who gets in the face of a guy chatting up your partner. Does that strike a chord?

What if I told you there is a greater power and attraction in being able to calmly handle such a guy, by slapping him on the shoulder, giving him a good handshake, smiling at him and gently dominating the conversation such that you become the ‘alpha male’ again? No need to get angry or fight. And a lot of brownie points with the missus or the girl you are talking to.

What if there was a way, or at least a mechanism, to make you the person people turned to in a crisis, or just to be the leader of a group? Would that be valuable?

There is lots of information out there about learning to exert influence without being an idiot (You may want to substitute that word for something else!) so I am just going to mention a tip that I have had to use and keep using. And its an old method but still a good one.

So what’s a good way to improve composure, well:

Sometimes it’s not obvious. Like the guy chatting up your girl. But he wants something and if you know what you are doing you’ll not need to get unsettled. Everybody says stuff that has an emotional context. Everyone has an inherent fear and if you are patient you can pick up on this. So recognize it. You may even ask them about it, but be careful, you have to tread carefully. Their fear may also resonate with a fear you have. Hence the breaths. Let it pass. It is not your concern.

Now this is not the end of learning about composure, but I have found it’s a good start. And you know, the calmer you become, people will start to notice you more and come to you more. You will not seem so adversarial.

So right now, the next time it happens: 5 deep breaths and listen. 5 deep breaths and listen. 5 deep breaths and listen.